My Recovery Journey
Recovery is a journey, not a destination. It’s messy, painful, and often feels impossible. But it’s also transformative, healing, and full of hope. For me, it was all of these things and more. My story is one of heartbreak, loss, and darkness—but also of resilience, growth, and light. I’m sharing it here because I believe that no matter how far you’ve fallen, there’s always a way back.
The Beginning of the Spiral
I was 14, just about to turn 15, when my world shattered. My first love took his own life, and with him, a part of me went too. I was drowning in grief, unable to process the pain or make sense of what had happened. That’s when I met Sarah. She was my first MySpace friend, and she came into my life like a whirlwind.
Sarah picked me up in her sharp five-speed Mustang—a car as striking as she was. She smelled like heaven, a scent I can still conjure up to this day. Sarah was wild and beautiful, but she was also trouble. She taught me how to numb my pain instead of facing it. That’s when oxycodone entered my life.
At first, it did what I needed it to—it numbed me. It dulled the unbearable sting of losing my first love. But when the high wore off, I was left hollow, angry, and more broken than ever. Over the next seven years, I fell deeper and deeper into addiction, spiraling out of control.
The Chaos of Addiction
Sarah eventually became a memory, but the drugs remained. I met new people, tried to lead different lives, and got into more trouble than I care to admit. At one point, I was in a relationship with someone I’ll call Robert. He loved me deeply and only wanted to see me happy. But addiction doesn’t care about love.
I manipulated Robert in ways I’m not proud of. I convinced him to sell the title to his truck for $9,000, and I blew it all on drugs. I kept some cash for myself but lost most of it when I was robbed. After that, I avoided strangers and stuck to my own destructive patterns.
Eventually, heroin entered the picture. I wasn’t an IV user—I sniffed it or smoked it—but it didn’t matter. Heroin consumed me. By the fifth year of my addiction, I was miserable. I was tired of fighting, tired of relapsing, and tired of losing people I loved. Every year of my addiction, I lost someone to death. Each loss pushed me deeper into despair rather than encouraging me to stop.
A Blessing in Disguise
My breaking point came when Robert, the man who had always been obsessed with me, finally snapped. He turned me over to the police. At the time, I felt betrayed, but looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened.
When I made my one phone call, I called my mom. She cried and told me she couldn’t come get me this time. I was on my own. I spent two days in jail, detoxing and reflecting on my life. Those two days were a turning point. As I lay in bed, sweating and shaking, I had a moment of clarity—an awakening, if you will.
I realized I couldn’t keep living this way. I couldn’t keep losing people, hurting the ones I loved, and destroying myself. I knew that being on supervised probation would force me to stay clean, and I decided to use it as an opportunity.
The Road to Recovery
After my release, I got on a medication-assisted treatment (MAT) program and enrolled in a year-long recovery program. It wasn’t easy. Recovery never is. It’s not linear, and it’s not magical. It’s a daily commitment to choosing life over addiction.
In those early days, I faced constant challenges. My stepdad accused me of using every time I left the house, and our fights were intense. The stress was overwhelming, but I didn’t let it break me. Instead, I focused on growing, healing, and rebuilding my life.
I learned coping skills and tools to deal with grief, triggers, and cravings. I found healthier ways to process my emotions and navigate the pain of losing so many people I loved.
Lessons Learned
As I approach six years of sobriety this June, I’ve had time to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned along the way:
☆ Recovery Isn’t Linear: There will be setbacks, challenges, and moments when you feel like giving up. But progress is still progress, no matter how small.
★ You Can’t Do It Alone: Support is essential. Whether it’s a recovery program, therapy, or a loved one who believes in you, having people in your corner makes all the difference.
☆ Triggers Are Manageable: Knowing your triggers is half the battle. The other half is having the tools to cope with them in healthy ways.
★ Self-Forgiveness Is Key: Addiction often comes with guilt and shame, but holding onto those feelings only keeps you stuck. Forgive yourself and focus on moving forward.
☆ Grief Doesn’t Go Away, But It Gets Easier: The pain of losing my first love and so many others will always be with me, but I’ve learned to carry it without letting it consume me.
Hope for the Future
Recovery hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. I’ve rebuilt my life from the ground up, and I’m stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’ve learned to appreciate the small victories, like waking up sober, and to find joy in the little things.
If you’re struggling with addiction, know this: It’s never too late to turn your life around. You are not your mistakes, and you are not your addiction. There is hope, there is help, and there is a way out.
Thank you for reading my story. If it inspires even one person to take that first step toward recovery, then sharing it was worth it. Remember, you’re stronger than you think, and you’re never alone.
Brightest blessings, Asteria Moon
